Commenting on myself commenting on myself commenting on myself ...
Several of these readings that we've done to overview Reflexivity have used phrases like "Pandora's box" and made claims that once you begin this process, it's never ending.
I can buy that. I'm doing it to a decent degree over a decision in my life.
Our Rottweiler died on Jan. 4 of osteosarcoma. Even in her final days, I was pretty resolute that I would not want another dog. Possibly not ever, but at the very least not for a very long time. It's difficult, to love and lose. This ordeal in particular was emotionally draining for over 6 months. I've actually had a few dogs over the years that have had unfortunate health or behavioral issues which led me to state, rather emphatically, that perhaps I just have a cursed hand when picking out a female dog. By saying that I'd never get another dog again, obviously that hand couldn't be used. Which isn't to say at all that I'm discounting the idea that I also made these claims out of a place of grief, and from a place of ensuring I gave myself that time. I also used, as my third point of defense, that I should use this time now to spend more time with our other pets, who were not given as much attention over the past half year since our Mina needed so much time and TLC.
However, as luck (fate?) would have it, I stumbled across a female Neopolitan Mastiff that needed a home. She's an adult dog, 5 years old. Her owner died. These things all made a narrative that seemed to mirror my own. Rotties and Neos are both giant breeds. Both black. Both dogs are female. Both 5 years old. She lost her person and we lost our dog.
And somehow all this bluster I did about not getting a dog for a god long time, if ever, went right away. This is all within a month.
A good friend of mine, who is also a psychologist, looked concerned when given all of this info. She was worried about the situation, and if we were doing the right thing, considering how short a time it's been since I made such bold statements. I told her that I recognized this. I recognize I might have made those statements in an attempt to talk myself out of picking out another dog, since I seem to have a knack for picking out animals that will come to a poor end. I also think I might have said all that to distance myself from my love of dogs and build a little wall around myself, talk myself into being more tough about the whole thing than I actually was at the time.
I also commented how many times do you hear someone end a relationship and say things like "I'll never date again!" or "I just need to concentrate on me for a while" only to wind up in another relationship a few days later, to the chagrin of every friend they have that helped them find stable ground again. We change our minds like that. I should be allowed that, too, even though it's not usually my style.
Still, I mull all this over even as we wait for the rescue to set up a time to come by the house with the dog for a visit/inspection. Are there other reasons I made such bold statements just a short time ago, only to completely flip-flop a few weeks later? Is there more truth anywhere in there that I'm not seeing?
The mind reels. Pandora's box, indeed.
I can buy that. I'm doing it to a decent degree over a decision in my life.
Our Rottweiler died on Jan. 4 of osteosarcoma. Even in her final days, I was pretty resolute that I would not want another dog. Possibly not ever, but at the very least not for a very long time. It's difficult, to love and lose. This ordeal in particular was emotionally draining for over 6 months. I've actually had a few dogs over the years that have had unfortunate health or behavioral issues which led me to state, rather emphatically, that perhaps I just have a cursed hand when picking out a female dog. By saying that I'd never get another dog again, obviously that hand couldn't be used. Which isn't to say at all that I'm discounting the idea that I also made these claims out of a place of grief, and from a place of ensuring I gave myself that time. I also used, as my third point of defense, that I should use this time now to spend more time with our other pets, who were not given as much attention over the past half year since our Mina needed so much time and TLC.
However, as luck (fate?) would have it, I stumbled across a female Neopolitan Mastiff that needed a home. She's an adult dog, 5 years old. Her owner died. These things all made a narrative that seemed to mirror my own. Rotties and Neos are both giant breeds. Both black. Both dogs are female. Both 5 years old. She lost her person and we lost our dog.
And somehow all this bluster I did about not getting a dog for a god long time, if ever, went right away. This is all within a month.
A good friend of mine, who is also a psychologist, looked concerned when given all of this info. She was worried about the situation, and if we were doing the right thing, considering how short a time it's been since I made such bold statements. I told her that I recognized this. I recognize I might have made those statements in an attempt to talk myself out of picking out another dog, since I seem to have a knack for picking out animals that will come to a poor end. I also think I might have said all that to distance myself from my love of dogs and build a little wall around myself, talk myself into being more tough about the whole thing than I actually was at the time.
I also commented how many times do you hear someone end a relationship and say things like "I'll never date again!" or "I just need to concentrate on me for a while" only to wind up in another relationship a few days later, to the chagrin of every friend they have that helped them find stable ground again. We change our minds like that. I should be allowed that, too, even though it's not usually my style.
Still, I mull all this over even as we wait for the rescue to set up a time to come by the house with the dog for a visit/inspection. Are there other reasons I made such bold statements just a short time ago, only to completely flip-flop a few weeks later? Is there more truth anywhere in there that I'm not seeing?
The mind reels. Pandora's box, indeed.
Labels: reflexivity
posted by David Jenkins at
12:03 PM
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